If only I could be saved
by Shuichi Aoyagi
Summary: Ritsuka has taken it for to long of his mother's abuses and ends up making a mistake which gets him thrown out of the house. Not knowing where to go he crys in fastation, suddenly bumping in to someone...
1. Chapter 1

**My one mistake**

_**What do you do when you think your life is at an end? When all the people you love; had left you to suffer in your time of endless pain. When the suffering is too much to pretend that it's not there? All you could do, no all you can do it run…**_

I was tired of it, tired of my mother always hitting me, and I having to take it. Take it like it was nothing and pretend that everything was alright. When in reality it wasn't. My heart was growing more and more dead then alive. In the end I was the one to make the last mistake. Would people understand if I told them? Would they even hear me out? Would they even care?

My mistake was nothing really, just some think that I had thought in my mind. I would have never done it if only she would have love me, instead of hate me. I wouldn't have if only she understood me and not what she thinks she understands. In the end though it was I who got all the blame…

"MOTHER PLEASE LET ME INSIDE! I'M SORRY… MOTHER…"

My cries didn't matter to her, my pleads did change her mind. So I was left to leave home in regret of what I had done. I couldn't look back not now or ever. As I walk with the sorrow growing more and deeper in my heart. I was at my end with no one to blame, but myself. Twelve years old and no where to run; I felt unwanted. Looking back now I just wished I didn't make such a hefty mistake…

_Flash back…_

"I'm sorry mother…"

"Why did I even give birth to such a rotten child, I just wish you would die"!

_Mother why do you hit me all the time I don't understand? What did I do to deserver this torment. I love you even still, but I can't take this any longer…_

As objects go in every directions towards little Ritsuka, the more he felt like doing something.

"MOTHER"!

**SLAP!!!**

There was a silence in the room, for what Ritsuka had done. With that Ritsuka was forced to leave.

"Get out of here you damn child, you will regret ever hitting me"!

"Mother…"!

Grabbing Ritsuka by the arm pulling him towards the door way, as Ritsuka pleaded to his mother to stop. But she didn't her anger continues to force her own son out. Ritsuka was out of the house with the door closed behind him…

_End of flash back…_

"Sigh"

_What I'm I going to do…_

I could see the sun was about to set as I wonder the streets tried and frustrated. My thoughts were nothing, but dark thoughts of suicide. I had no real place to go, no one to run to, I was lost. My eyes stared to get a teary, and I began to cry.

_Mother I didn't mean to do what I did…but…_

"Huh"?!

My thoughts come to a stop, as I tried to stop my tears.

_Who did I bump in to?_

I look up finding a tall man in front of me wearing glasses with his hair down. He looked like he was in his twenties, but I really don't know.

"Oh I'm sorry"

Looking down I passed him trying to not let him notice that I was crying. Suddenly I start to fall.

_Oh damn it…_

Closing my eye ready for my body to hit the ground, seconds later I hear someone's voice.

"Are you alright"?

_Hu__h what didn't I hit the ground?_

I could feel a warm embrace behind me of someone holding me.

"Are you alright"?

The question was asked again, but I was to shock to notice that he was asking because of the fact the he helped me.

"Oh yes…Thank-you"

I quietly got up and out of his arms, standing myself up again. I continue to look down embarrassed. I started to walk away from the man that was kind to me.

"Are you alright"?

I came to a stop to the same question that was asked towards me before.

"Huh"?!

_What? I thought I answered you?_

"Uh yes I'm fine"

I didn't bother to turn around my eyes were still full of liquid. I could just walk away, but for some reason I couldn't. I just couldn't walk away from him. His voice was so comforting to hear. My tears flowed even more, because in a long time I have waited for someone to talk to me in that tone. Suddenly I could hear footsteps coming towards me. I didn't know what to do my legs were too weak for running. All I could do was stand there in the street, crying.

_Ritsuka…_

_Huh?! Someone called my name!_

Suddenly I could feel someone's arms rapped around me. I couldn't say anything, I couldn't move. I was shocked but at the same time I knew this feeling; the feeling of someone once hugging me like this.

"Who are you…Why are you doing this"?

"It's alright I'm not going to hurt you"

It's that man that saved me from my fall earlier. Who was this guy? Why did he embrace me as if he knew me? Why does he seem familiar?

My weak body suddenly falls in to a deep sleep, as I pass out in his arms. The last think I remember hearing was his voice whispering something sweet.

"Everything will be alright… Ritsuka"

_How do you know my name? Who are you…?_

_**Sweet words could reach my weakened heart as my thoughts fall to pieces in my insanity. All the more I waited for someone to care, to call my name in such a heavenly tone. I knew if I waited I would be greatly rewarded. Not just in my dreams, but in reality…**_

_Huh I can hear voices… Whose are they?_

I was coming out of my sleeping state, as I tried to remember what happened before. My eyes started to focus and the sleep from them disappeared. I was warm and covered with cotton softness.

"Where am I"?

I looked around the room in wonder.

"Are you sure you know what your doing? I know that it was hard to even let go the first time, but you don't know what might happen now."

"Kio I know… You don't have to keep telling me…"

_Hey it's the guy that helped me before…! Are they arguing? Are they talking about me…?_

I sat their on the bed looking at the door that was closed. I listened to there conversation as my curiosity grew.

"I just don't want you to be hurt again…"

"It's just when I seen him… standing there I …"

"Soubi…"

Suddenly my body froze when I heard that name ring in my ear. I had a sudden chill that I knew that name.

"Soubi…"?

As I said it I could fell my body shaken and my heart began to throb. Then I hear the door hand creaking. I look up finding the door being opened. I quickly lay back down pretending I was a sleep.

"Oh his still asleep…"

_It's him… I guy who helped me…_

My eyes closed and my ears alert I waited for the guy to leave. I heard the door closed and gave a sigh of relief. Undoing the covers I got sat up once again. Finding my self looking at the same guy I was with earlier.

"So you were pretending to be a sleep? Huh?"

I was Shocked to find him sitting there on the chair next to me. He looked kind of annoyed, and then started to laugh. I blushed.

"So are you hungry I'll make you something to eat"?

I became aware of what was going on and I tolled my self that this is a stranger's house.

_I need to get out of here, for all I know this guy could be a child molester…_

"No I'm fine… I'll be going now"

I got up and was about to leave, until my stomach make a sound. I blushed and then heard someone give a little laugh.

"I'll go make you something ok…Rit… I mean I'll be in the kitchen".

_Rit? Was he going to say my name? Even if he was I don't remember telling him._

He passes me as I looked at him curious of who he was.

_Hmm… I don't know if I should trust him…But he doesn't look like he'll hurt me… I think…_

I decide to stay for a while as since I really had no where to go any way. So I sat there at the table as I watch him cook. I toll myself to be alert, and to not lose my guard.

"I'm not going to do anything to you."

I didn't say anything and looked away, as he smiled at me.

"Here you go"

He places a plate on the table that looked really good but I didn't know what it was.

"Well are you going to eat it's not poisoned"

_Poisoned? _

A memory came to my mind of my mother and I suddenly started to cry.

_Huh? Why am I crying?_

"What wrong I didn't say anything wrong"?

"I'm sorry I don't know what came over me I just started to…"

I couldn't finish my sentence and I couldn't stop my tears either. The memory of my mother was running around in my head as I remembered. Remembering that I had to check my food if it was poisoned or not, if it was okay to eat. That made me sad inside to even think that I need to be protected by my own… mother.

_Mother I'm sorry I'm sorry…mother…_

I continued to cry as I wiped away at my tears. Trying to get a hold of my self suddenly I feel warm embrace in front of me. My heart begins to pound as tears go down my blushed face.

"It alright Ritsuka I'm here no one's ever going to hurt you again…"!

_Huh? How do you know my name? I never tolled you!!! Who are you…?!_

_**To Be C**__**ontinued…**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Will my suffering come to an end?**_

_**My memories they have no meaning to me. Not if there's only pain to remember. My suffering doesn't seem to end. Not even in my dreams where I see you standing there and, then suddenly leaving me.**_

"It alright Ritsuka I'm here no one's ever going to hurt you again…"!

_Huh? How do you know my name? I never tolled you!!! Who are you…?!_

"What are you doing "?!

My voice grows weak as he embraces me. I want to push him away, but I can't seem too. Why?

"Ritsuka…"

Suddenly my body melts as soon as he said my name. The name I never tolled him, but yet he knows it. Why is it that when he says my name I fall to pieces?

"Who are you…?"

He says nothing as I hear his heart pounds as my heart does the same. The feeling of me knowing him, but yet I don't remember knowing him. Who is this person that embraces my so passionate?

"I'm sorry for what I had done to you… Please for give me… Ritsuka"

_What are you talking about…You speak to me in riddles? I don't understand?_

"I don't even know who you are…So why is it that you know my name…"

He grips me tighter as if I said something painful to him.

"Oww… you're hurting me…"

"Oh! I'm sorry…"

He lets go of me, then getting up and leaving the room. I watch him leave as I sat there wondering what the hell's was going on. I looked at the food he served to me and picked up the fork.

* * *

_Damn it what the hell was I think I can't do this to Ritsuka… He's already been through so much I'll just make his suffering worse then he already is… Especially that day when it all happened…_

_Flashback…_

"Why Seimei…? Why are you doing this…?"

Ritsuka pleads to his older brother who knees over him with the knife in the other hand.

"Ritsuka… You wouldn't understand if I tolled you…"

"Seimei…"

Suddenly Seimei goes down plunging the knife down towards Ritsuka.

_**Click **_

"Stop right there Seimei or else"

Seimei stops and then turns to the person who threatened him, seeing a gun in his right hand as his left hand drips of blood.

"Soubi"!

Ritsuka cries out to him. Seimei stands up while bring Ritsuka to his side embracing him.

"Heh… Soubi do you really intend to kill me, with that gun? I highly doubt it. You would never hurt me. You and I both know that."

Soubi held the gun as his body starts to shake.

"Not even if I kill little Ritsuka here…"

Seimei puts his fingers to Ritsuka's face as he gives him a gentle kiss on the cheek. Ritsuka looks at him brother with a sad look on his face.

"Seimei…Why are you doing this to Ritsuka"?

Seimei looks at Soubi then Ritsuka as Ritsuka looks at him still with sadness.

"Because I love him…"

Soubi's body quivers as he watches Seimei. Seimei then lifts the knife slowly.

"Ritsuka you won't forget me right…"

"Of course not Seimei… I would never forget you… I just…"

Seimei puts the knife to him throat.

"I really do love you Ritsuka…"

Seimei glances at Soubi well Soubi shivers.

"Soubi say goodbye too little Ritsuka…"

Suddenly there are two gun fires stopping Seimei as the knife falls down to the ground.

"Seimei… I'm sorry…"

Soubi whispers to himself. Seimei body falls on to Ritsuka as Ritsuka held him in his arms. Ritsuka's falls to the ground in shock as tears fall down his cheeks.

"Seimei…"

Soubi's body is frozen and Ritsuka in tears.

"It's alright…Ritsuka… I like it better this way…Ritsuka… I'm not suffering anymore…"

"Seimei it's going to be alright we'll take you to the hospital, and then you and I could live together again. With mother and father Seimei… You have to stay with me…Seimei…"

Ritsuka tears fall on to Seimei's face as Soubi starts to walk towards them.

"SOUBI HELP HIM"!

Soubi says nothing in return as he looks at them both in this unexpected situation. Seimei looks at Soubi with a smile. Ritsuka notices and then turns to Soubi.

"You knew all alone didn't you…? Soubi…?"

Soubi stays in silences as liquid starts fall from his face dropping the gun in the process; Seimei smiles whispering something sweet in a familiar tone.

"It's alright as long as I'm here Soubi…"

Ritsuka didn't understand what that meant or what was going on between them. Confusion in his brothers words ran thought his body as he shakes and continues to cry.

"Soubi you'll never forget me…It's true that I lo…"

Seimei's voice stops as Ritsuka cries out to his name.

"SEIMEI"!!!

_End of flashback_

Soubi sits in front of the door in regret of the past. Hating him self for what he has done to Seimei and Ritsuka. Memories continue to burn in his mind, suddenly there was a knock at his door.

"Um… I'm done…"

Soubi's thoughts come to an end to the voice of the one he loved, of the one he saved.

"Oh! Um I'll be right out…"

Ritsuka waits outside the door, waiting for the man he doesn't know. The man that knows his name which made Ritsuka curious, that seems to settles in Ritsuka mind like soft snow.

_**Creak**_

The door opens as Ritsuka sits on the floor besides the door opening. Soubi was surprised to see the boy wait outside the door. This gave Soubi a nice feeling inside of comfort.

"You know you could have waited on the couch, instead of the floor."

Ritsuka sighs and then stands up to look at Soubi.

"Who are you? And how do you know my name?"

Ritsuka looks at him with seriousness; Soubi looks at him and then starts to walk away. Ritsuka stands there and waits for an answer.

"Are you sure you want to know that?"

He goes to sit at the table where Ritsuka sat once, and then lights a cigarette.

"Yes I do other then that, I would have been gone along time ago."

Soubi glances at the empty plate he severed to Ritsuka.

"So did you enjoy your food?"

Soubi grins

_Grrr! He's avoiding the question…and smiling! Why is he smiling?_

"Y-yes I did… So are you going to tell me? …because I feel like I-…"

Ritsuka stops

_I can't tell him at I feel like I know him… plus It's strange that you know me and I don't know you… Right…?_

"I just need to know…okay"

Ritsuka looks at him as he smokes his cigarette inhaling poison that Ritsuka found disgusting.

"Are you sure you wouldn't regret me telling you?"

_Regret telling me? What would regret have to do with any of this?_

"Yes… I won't regret…"

"If I tell you we could never see each other…again…"

Soubi grits his teeth in pain to what he said, as he regrets in his mind.

"Okay…?"

Ritsuka responds in uncertainty.

_Why would I want to see you… again…?_

_

* * *

_

_If I tell Ritsuka that I was the one who killed your brother to protect you… His memories will come back just like Ritsu-sensei. If I do that I'll just end up hurting him, but I can't disobey him…I just can't…please don't make me tell you Ritsuka… _

"I'm sorry I can't tell you…"

"Why not"!

"It's for your own good…Rit-…"

Ritsuka looks at him with a glare and walks a little closer to him.

"See there you go again you were about to say my name weren't you?"

_Why won't he tell me! Grr this is getting me angry…_

"WHO EVER YOU ARE TELL ME HOW YOU KNOW ME!"

Soubi shutters at Ritsuka's voice, and every thing is in complete silence.

_Why is he being quite now?_

"I know you because of your brother…"

_My brother… Seimei…?!_

Soubi's head stays down as Ritsuka stares at him waiting.

"Your brother and I were 'Sacrifice and fighter 'but…when he died he had ordered me to be your fighter… at some point it seemed that Seimei wasn't dead, and some unexpected things happened…"

_My brother was alive…?!_

Soubi stops speaking and clears his throat.

"You and I knew each other once… Until I had someone sort of erase your memories of what had happened…"

"What do you mean…? What happened? Where is my brother?! Where is Seimei…?"

_Why isn't he talking…?_

"Ritsuka…"

Liquid started to fall down Soubi's face as he lifted his head to look at him.

"I had killed you brother…"

Ritsuka starts to walk away from Soubi as confusion and a sudden pain ran thought his body.

"W-what did you s-say…"

Ritsuka's voice quivers as if he was about to cry.

_**To Be Continued…**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Some times I wish I wasn't here**_

_**There was something I wanted to say to you, but when I had seen you I just couldn't. So I acted like nothing and that was what just happened nothing…**_

"I had killed you brother…"

"W-what did you s-say…"

Soubi sat there looking at the confused little boy that was about to burst in tears. While Ritsuka's memories of '_that_' night flashed in his mind.

"AHHHHH"!

Ritsuka falls to the floor screaming in pain, with his hands to his head. Soubi lunged at the boy holding him as the shock ran thought Ritsuka's body. The memories that haunted him of his beloved older brother's death…Seimei, the one who he loved, the one who cared for him more then his own mother. To even see the one you love die just like that Ritsuka couldn't take it, not even now it still pains him. Tears and screams echoed thought out Soubi's body that ripped his heart, like daggers ripping through cloth.

"SOUBI…! SOUBI"!!!

Ritsuka was held down by Soubi's embrace, as Ritsuka's arms reached out in to the air; reaching out for nothing.

"It's alright Ritsuka I'm here…It's alright…"

Soubi held to him trying to calm him down with words.

_This pain inside of me remembering how Seimei died, I can't take it… I don't want to see it. No more! No more! I don't want to remember...Stop flashing in my mind!!! Seimei!! _

Soubi embraced the weeping boy in his arm. Tightly holding him as the suffering from Ritsuka went in to him.

"Ritsuka…"

Regret went thought out Soubi's body as Ritsuka's cries in agony. Soubi held on to the boy tightly embracing him keeping the darkness at bay, keeping it there so Ritsuka doesn't disappear again, like the night of Seimei's eternal death. Energy left Ritsuka's body wasting it all on tears of sorrow.

"W-why… why… Soubi…"

Ritsuka whispers in Soubi's ear like the gentle summers breeze, as Ritsuka's arms fall down to his side.

"Ritsuka…I-"

_It's your entire fault Seimei couldn't live… You didn't even help him…You could have but you just stood there as you watch him die!_

Ritsuka's thoughts turn to rage towards Soubi; without thinking and frustrated and upset Ritsuka acted on his emotions.

"Stop it Soubi"!

Ritsuka interrupts Soubi in an angry tone as if to kill, then suddenly pushing Soubi away from him.

"I don't want to hear it I'm tried of it… You COULD have saved him! But you didn't you just stood there! Why I don't understand!"

Tears ran down his face as he stood up in front of Soubi.

"WHY COULD YOU JUST SAVE HIM"!!!

Soubi didn't say any thing as Ritsuka ran out the door suddenly bumping it to someone.

"Oh"!?

Ritsuka just passes him and continued to run in the darkness of the night. The person looks at his friend that was kneeling on the floor.

"Soubi…"

Soubi didn't answer his friend who stood at the front door.

"Aren't you going after him"?

He says with his arms crossed as, Soubi stood up and looked at Kio.

"No I can't it's already too late he hates me now…"

"Soubi… What happened? You didn't tell him did you?!"

"I said what I had to say… and now he hates me…so it doesn't matter anymore."

Kio stared at Soubi with a sad look in his eyes as, Soubi looked away from him.

"Is that what you really believe…Soubi…"?

* * *

_Damn it why is this happening?! I feel so useless… I don't know what to do!!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!_

My thoughts ran through my mind as I remembered what Soubi had said to me; the man who I had once forgotten, the man I once…'_loved_'…

_Wait! I don't love Soubi… He was just someone that was there…_

"Ahhh, Why I'm I thinking of him… I forgot him once and I could forget him again. It's just that easy!"

I ran down unfamiliar streets and past by light posts, that made shadow crept thought corners and down dark alleyways. Trying not to think of Soubi, as I ran in despair finding no where to run.

_That's right I have no where to run! I have no one… No Seimei… No mother… No one… I'm all alone…_

Suddenly I trip and falling to the ground panting for air as I realized I was alone. I had no one to run to anymore.

_Every one that I love is gone! What more is there to life, now that I have no reason to go on, no one to run to?!_

Tears fell down my face as my thoughts went through my mind.

_I-I just wish I wasn't here… I wish that I wasn't…_

Suddenly I heard someone call out my name I turned to see who.

"Ritsuka"!

_No it's Soubi! Why is he coming after me! I have to run!_

I got back on my feet and raced off in a hurry trying to lose Soubi, or hope that he would give up.

_I don't want to talk to you! I don't even want to see you! _

Is what I was thinking, but hearing him call out my name made me feel a pain inside. This pain of not running away from him and going to him, but I couldn't… I can, showing that I was alone.

"Ritsuka "

"No go away!!! I don't want to ever see you again!!!"

My words pained me to say them to him. Why don't I want to leave him?! Why can't I just…Suddenly I fell to the ground the second time, but this time I didn't get up and just lay there crying hoping that I would just disappear.

"Ritsuka…"

I heard foot steps coming closer to me as I cried.

"Go away Soubi… I don't want to hear you…I-I don't even-…"

I couldn't finish my sentence, I was too weak to say anything.

_Why won't you leave me alone like every one else? Why can't you just disappear like everyone? Don't talk to me I can't stand to hear your voice, that makes me melt and become calm._

My thoughts surrounded me as I feel someone picking me up like a baby. I was too weak to do anything and so I was engulf in his embrace. Soubi starts walking as I continue to cry in my despair.

"It's alright Ritsuka… I'm here…"

My tears twisted around in my sorrow, as I held on to Soubi's shirt; cling to him like a lost kitten. My cat ears down and shivering as Soubi cradled me like a baby; whispering sweet innocent words that echoed inside of me, healing my opened wounds of my heart.

"Ritsuka …"

He says my name trying to calm me down in that gentle voice trying to not shatter me. He's voice alone is my lullaby at makes me feel like there's some one here for me.

"Soubi…I am alone…?"

I look up at him with tears running down my face as he looks down with a soft look in his eyes.

"Of course your not I'm right here …Ritsuka…You're never alone as long as I am here…"

He's words pierced right thought me, as he smiles at me gently making me feel secure.

"I love you…Ritsuka…"

Suddenly I could feel Soubi's warm hands on my face lifting it up to his lips. I didn't resist his infection as his lips touched mine. My face went red as I bowed my head down, and rested my head on his chest, as I whisper something.

"Stupid Soubi…"

_**To Be Continued…**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Finding your hidden secret**

_**All my life I was surrounded by filthy lies that slowly consumed me; then realizing that I was betraying myself in the end. That I too was lying to myself, and for that I won't forgive myself. I won't…**_

It's been almost a week since I remembered everything that happened. That my brother was once alive but now is dead, and that Soubi's the one who killed him. It still hurts to think about it or even remember it, but at least Soubi's by myside. I also have been living with Soubi for the past week as well. I'm glad I'm here instead of home. I just hope mothers alright.

_I hope mother's alright…_

"Ritsuka"

I heard a knock at the door of Soubi's room, which broke my thoughts. I turn to look at the person who called out to me. He enters with a smile.

"Yes… S-Soubi"

I said sounding a little embarrassed about saying his name. You'd think by now that I would feel more comfortable calling out to him, but I wasn't. I still fell like I lost something; towards Soubi. But what could it be that I have lost?

"Breakfast is ready now…"

He stares at me while I sat there on the bed. I stood up, and walked out of the bed room; towards the table in the kitchen. Sitting down I wait till Soubi's in at the table, and then we both start to eat.

"So what were you doing in there alone?"

He asks me without any eye contact.

"I was just thinking…'

"Thinking about what "?

He asks another question, still without eye contact.

"Um about-…"

I stop myself and thought about what I was going to say to him. I could say what I was really thinking about in the room. About worrying about mother, or I could say something else like about the weather.

_But if we start talking about mother what if I start crying again? Then if I don't tell him the truth, then he might chew it out of me._

Suddenly my thoughts are stopped by his voice.

"It's alright if you don't want to tell me"

He smiles as he finishes his food. I feel a little pain in my chest.

"No it's not like that-…"

I stop myself one more time ready to talk about mother. I put my head down feeling a little sad to talk about her, my mother. I start to confess in a low tone that was close enough to be a whisper.

"I was thinking about…"

Suddenly there's a pat on my head.

"It's alright you don't have to tell me"

Soubi says while messing up my hair, then leaving me alone at the table. I look towards him, as he carries his empty dishes to the sink. He still has a smile on his face that gave me a sudden happiness.

"You better eat your food before it gets cold"

Soubi looks at me, while my face turns red. I continue to eat as he did the dishes.

_Stupid Soubi…_

* * *

"I'll be going now do you want anything"?

He asks me while putting on his coat. I shake my head towards him letting him know I don't want anything. Soubi starts to head out the door.

"I'll be back… Ritsuka…"

He says before heading out the door and then leaves; leaving me alone.

_Wow... It's so quiet when Soubi's not here…_

I walk towards the window as every thing sits still in the apartment. I could see snow slowly falling, as I watch Soubi disappearing in to the darkness of the night. The street lights were lit and it didn't seem really cold out but just enough for one to wear a jacket.

_I wish Soubi would have asked me to go…_

I thought to myself as I stare out the window.

_But then I guess that would be a bad thing if I did go. Someone might have recognized me. Then I wouldn't be able to stay with Soubi…_

"Sigh"

_Soubi…_

I move away from the window, as looked around the apartment for something to do. I find myself a little depressed when I walked by Soubi's room. I grab the door knob and walk in; looking at an empty room that had everything in place. It was clean, but yet it felt unclean. Like there was something lurking in the shadows. Like a secret; I didn't know why I didn't notice it by now, this unsettling feeling of hidden secrets. This made me wonder in curiosity.

_Hmmm Would Soubi hide anything from me? _

I thought to myself, and tried to disbelieve what I was thinking.

_Did I doubt Soubi?_

"No no no, Soubi wouldn't hide anything from me. That would just be- NO! I trust Soubi. I do…"

Suddenly I find myself looking around the room.

_W-what am I doing? Didn't I just say I trust him?_

Suddenly I backed away in to the closet letting it open a bit.

"Huh?"

I turned too looked at the closet, as the darkness started to peak out of it.

_I really never have seen what was in here… I'll just take a peak... No harm right?_

I gentle grabbed the handle of the closet, as I watched the darkness fade way; letting me see the inside of the closet.

_It's nothing but clothing and-…_

I stop my thoughts while looking up at the high shelf. My eyes suddenly came across what looked liked a photo. I couldn't really make it out, what I was looking at. So I started to reach for it; on my tip toes trying to reach for the picture.

_Ah! I got it_

Suddenly objects started to fall from the top shelf, as I slipped the photo in to my hands.

_Damn it!_

All the objects that were on top of the photo went landing down on to me. I found myself sitting on the floor with the photo I wanted to see so badly in my hands.

_All for a stupid picture… Why did I wanted to see it so badly anyway?_

I rubbed my head as I looked around myself with the big mess that surrounded me.

"Man Soubi you got to be more organized..."

Looking at the object I became shocked to what I was seeing around me. Photographs were around me like shatter glass, as among them were some clothing and other little trinkets.

_These look like-…_

I stopped myself trying not to cry and trying to finger out why. Why did Soubi have **Seiemi's** things?

"These belong to Seimei…"

I managed to say without choking.

I look to the photo that was still in my hands. Afraid to look at it, but so badly wanted to. I started to slowly turn it over, then finally looking at the picture; while sadness and pain over flowed inside of me.

_Soubi and… Seimei_

The picture had both of them in a nice atmosphere, with Soubi's arm around Seimei. Soubi smiling with shear happiness and Seimei with his innocent smile; that always gave me a comfort I couldn't explain.

"Why does Soubi have all of these…"?

Looking around picking up picture after picture finding Soubi and Seimei together, some were just of Seimei and other of Soubi. I didn't understand, but then again I did. More then anything I knew that Soubi loved my older brother, Seimei. I started to shake trying to get myself back together. Suddenly I hear a little thump behind me. I turn to suddenly be staring at Soubi with a sadden heart. I was in a mess before I even knew it. I felt like I was between both the people I loved, that seemed to love each other. Maybe I was misunderstanding them both, but how could I, when I was surrounded by them?

"Ritsuka…"?

_How could you even say my name! Don't say it! I don't want to hear it!!!_

My heart started to fill with range and betrayal I didn't know what to think; all I wanted to do was run. Run away from it all in my despair. What else could I do? What was the right course of action, for this type of situation?

_I don't care I-I…_

Tears started over flowed in my eyes, as I jumped up running out of the room. At the front of the door I turn to look at Soubi, with tears and anger in my eyes.

"I HATE YOU SOUBI"!!!

_**To Be Continued…**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Who do you love more?**

**You've hidden your filthy lies from me. Now I'm the one left crying in my despair. Why couldn't you tell me the truth! I thought that you… loved **_**me**_**?**

"I HATE YOU SOUBI"!!!

I turned away and raced on in to the darkness that soon would drown me, just like his filthy lies. Tears ran down my face, as I heard him call out my name in that voice I loved. But how could I look back to the man I _loved_?

_Wait I don't love-…_

I tried to deny myself, but I couldn't no longer, because it was true, I did love him. Every time he smiled at me, or the way he would say my name so comforting. I couldn't deny my love for him any longer. I knew that our relationship was wrong in more ways then one, but I couldn't help myself. And before I knew it I was in love with him. What else could it be? I was hurt to see him with my brother, Seimei. I loved my brother as well, but I felt a little jealously that he was closer to Soubi then I ever was.

_Stupid! Stupid Soubi!!!_

"I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!!!"

I pounded my head trying to forget his smiling face, that pained my heart; that made me want to fall to my knees. And want to crawl back to him like a lost kitten. How pathetic and weak I have become. I wanted Soubi to hold me and say it wasn't true, and that he only loved me, but I couldn't do that. Not without holding my pride and what I still have as a human being.

_I don't care if he comes after me! I'm not going to listen to him! Every thing he says are just lies to me anyway! He…He-_

Just as I did before I ran and ran, with tears streaming down my face. I was the stupid one to be so fooled by him, and his taunting words. Words the made me feel special and all tingly inside. If I knew that they were only lies I wouldn't have stayed at all.

"Sob… Sob…"

_I must have been the biggest fool there was. How couldn't I see it! He only loved me, because Seimei told him to. He was in love with Seimei not me. Even after Seimei's death he's still thinking of him!_

"I wish….I wish that Seimei was never with So-"

Suddenly I stop myself before I could say anything any further, and thought to myself as I stood there on the street crying.

_What have I become? I can't believe… That I almost said…_

With my hand over my mouth I looked around me. Noticing a park I walked to it; trying to clear my mind of my dark thoughts. Reaching for the swing I sat down.

_What's happening to me? Seimei's my brother and Soubi's just-_

"I can't believe what I am becoming… a jealous person with a wanting desire, to have the one I love… No… I –I don't want to be this type of person. Soubi what have you done to me?"

My confused mind settled in the dark sky I looked at, while it captured my frightening gaze. Trying hard to forget the one I loved and my troubled mind. My mind settled to a calm and peaceful state. I was now at ease while looking at the clear dark sky.

"I wonder if Soubi's looking for me."

I thought to myself as I looked around, feeling a little alone and cold. I rub my hands together trying to get back the feeling in them.

_Man I can't believe I just left without an explanation from Soubi, but then again. I guess I didn't want to hear it._

"What I'm I going to do now?"

I looked to the shining stars, as I thought to myself in the cold night, as I whispered a familiar name.

"Soubi…"

* * *

_Damn it where are you Ritsuka!_

Soubi ran down the street thinking that Ritsuka might have gone down. He hoped to see him still running, or sitting somewhere alone. Soubi started to slow down, trying not to think of giving up. His feet come to a stop as he gasped for some air.

"Ritsuka where are-…"?

While he turned his head towards a little park, he spotted Ritsuka.

"Rit-…"

He had begun to say in a low tone; until a thought came to mind, causing him to stop and watch Ritsuka in the cold.

_Ritsuka… This was all a misunderstanding. I'm not even thinking of Seimei… Anymore…?_

He looked towards the ground, then back up at the little boy, who sat on the swing. Soubi started to walk towards the park.

* * *

"Ritsuka…"

My head goes up suddenly stunned to see Soubi only a few feet away. I tighten my grip on the swing, making the metal freeze the skin of my hands. I stared at him not knowing what I should say or do. All I could do was just gaze upon him.

"S-Soubi…"

I chocked out of my hurt throat.

"Gulp…"

"I-I…"

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to cry to him, but if I did that I knew that I would just be giving in to him. I wasn't mad at him, as I was before. I was the exact opposed towards him. While I waited at the park. I thought to myself, hoping that he would come, and appear in front of me. That he would be looking just for me and only for me, like he'd always do before. I had a lot of things I wanted to say to him before he appeared. But they seem to have just all disappeared, when he called out my name.

_Here you are in front of me just liked I hoped you would. Here you are, and I have forgotten what I wanted to say to you. Soubi please don't just stand there at least say something…_

He started to walk towards me, as I embraced myself for what he might do. But he stopped right in front of me, and nothing more. I opened my eyes to be looking at his shoes. I didn't lift my head to see his face, but instead kept it down in shame. In shame for ever thinking of Seimei gone from Soubi's life. I took a deep breath in.

"S-Soubi… You know I'm glad that y-you… you met Seimei. Thanks to him I got to l-love…someone like y-you…"

I paused taking in more air.

"I never meant what I said. I just said it out of frustration and anger. I-I could never really h-hate you… Soubi… since you came in to my life I thought that I… couldn't look forward to life. And my brother…"

Tears started to flow out of my pity, as I started to mention Seimei.

"I-I can't compete with my brother… he was better at every thing then I was. Loved by everyone he- he was my brother…"

Soubi continued to stand there as I confessed with my head held down.

"I know I shouldn't feel like this, because he was my brother… But I can't help what I feel for you… I tried to ignore you… but before I knew it I need you as well, as I did Seimei. I couldn't bear to lose you too… So I lied to myself, telling myself that I would be alright with… you…"

Finally lifting my head to look at Soubi with my pathetic state, as the tears streamed down my face.

"But you LOVED Seimei…"

Suddenly Soubi embraced me before I could even see his face. Soubi embraced me tightly, as he fell to his knees.

"Soubi…"

I gently said to him.

"Soubi… Please don't deceive me… You know how I… feel Soubi… I love you…Soubi"

My heart began to beat so hard to my truth. That I was a little bit happy, but the happiness didn't consume me. I still felt hurt from Soubi's secret.

_Don't do this to me…Soubi don't let me fall any deeper then I already am… Soubi…_

"Soubi… Please… don't…"

I began to speak to him, hoping he wouldn't hurt me anymore.

My eyes started to hurt, but it still didn't stop the tears I shed, they just continued just as his embraced did.

"Ritsuka…"

He whispers my name in a sweet tone.

"I'm sorry…"

Confusion flowed over in my mind, as his apology echoed in my head.

"What do you mean you're sorry…?"

I asked him in a low tone.

"Your right… I did love Seimei and I wanted to deny it too, that I loved him. I thought if I put the pasted away I could forget, but you made me realize that…"

I tried to look at Soubi but his embrace stopped me from doing so.

"I don't understand Soubi… realize what?"

Suddenly he pushes me away to the ground, while he stood up.

"I realized that I can't be with you… "

He looks at me with a smile as I stare at him with tears still flowing from my eyes.

"Sorry Ritsuka, but I got to leave you… I-I…"

Hearing those words ripped my heart in two. It was like some kind of bad joke. I would never have imagined, that Soubi would say that. Now on the ground in confusion as I did before; I stared at Soubi. All I could do was stare at him; that's all I could do in my confusion.

_**To Be Continued…**_


	6. Chapter 6

**What matters is now**

**Some where I knew that this wouldn't last long. I knew that I was slowly falling in love. I knew that I would be hurt. I knew it, but even still knowing at this I just went along with it… because I loved him…**

"Sorry Ritsuka, but I got to leave you… I-I…"

I looked at him in confusion. Thinking of what I should do. Thinking that if I don't do something, if I don't say something; that I'm going to lose Soubi!

"Soubi…"

I jumped to my feet and grabbed on to Soubi's jacket.

"Soubi please don't say that… **I love you Soubi**!"

I looked at him and then wiped my tears on his jacket. While he stood there emotionless like a living zombie

"I-I can finally say it Soubi… I can say I love you…"

He continued to stand there saying nothing, doing nothing.

"SOUBI SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING! ANYTHING, BUT YOU LEAVING ME!!!"

He started to pull away from me, I began to panic.

"No Ritsuka… Please don't… I'm sorry I can't anymore… Don't do this to me…"

"Do what to you…? I want to stay with you! Aren't you happy about that Soubi? I am! I understand now that I can't live without you! Soubi"!

Tears falling, my eyes hurting and it didn't seem to bother him at all. Was Soubi's really leaving me?!

"Soubi if its age that's bothering you or the fact that I'm just a child…or a guy… It doesn't matter to me. I'm okay with that… I just want to be with you…So don't tell me you're leaving me. Don't please… take me home with you… Soubi"!

Before I knew it, I was begging for Soubi to take me. I had fallen so low that it leads me to begging. I had lost what had kept me human for my selfishness; lost to my self pity. I didn't care if I was hurting Soubi. I didn't want to understand why he wanted to leave me. All that mattered was staying with him.

"I'll be good Soubi… I'll help you around the apartment. I-I'll even help you cook… I won't call you stupid when you kiss me! Soubi I give you my word! Just please don't leave me you're the only one person I have left!!!"

I grabbed on to him and embraced him. Hugging him tightly so he wouldn't leave me, hoping he would pick me up and cradle me, like he always did.

"SOUBI, I LOVE YOU SOUBI!!!"

Soubi grits his teeth tightly while Ritsuka embraces him with tears. Soubi grabs on to him and starts to pull him away from him.

"STOP IT RITSUKA!!! JUST STOP IT!!!"

I suddenly froze in shock that he would yell at me! He never yelled at me before. This wasn't the Soubi I knew. When my brother died he changed completely. No when he killed my brother.

"Soubi…"

I start to back away really slowly away from him, shaking me head in denial.

"No… N-No this can't be happening? You said you loved me Soubi… because if you didn't you wouldn't have come after me."!

_How did this happen? What did I say, what did I do? I wasn't the one wrong was I? Soubi loved me right or was it really a lie?! No… No I don't want to believe it!!!_

In my insanity I was drowning in it. I couldn't let him go, and I didn't understand why he wanted to leave me. Was it I who was causing the trouble. Did Soubi really deceive me? Suddenly my mind went blank as I watched Soubi walk away.

_It's because of… __**Seimei**__!_

My jealously took over me and my desires. I couldn't fight it anymore I had to blame it on someone, other then me. So why not him?! Why not… **Seimei**!?

"Heh heh… Soubi…"

I looked to him with a smile and tears gone. I wasn't me any longer. I was my dark desires and insane self. I didn't need Soubi's pity; all I needed was for Soubi to love me, like he did before.

"It's all because of… Seimei right?"

Soubi stopped walking as the name frozen him on the spot. I knew it would how couldn't he stop after hear the name of the person he loved. Suddenly Soubi turns around, seeming a little angry.

"What are you talking about…? Ritsuka…?"

I started to walk to him, he steps back.

"He orders you to leave me right? Before he died he seen you first, that's why your hand was bleeding that night. Seimei attacked you after he told you he was going to kill me… right? You tried to stop him but got hurt in the process… right Soubi?"

My body was shaking, as I guess what happened that night of my brother's eternal death. I watched Soubi, as I stopped walking to be only a few feet away from him.

"Your right… I tried to stop him and got wounded in the process… but he didn't order me to not love you… that's were you're wrong."

My heart stop to my guess that seemed to be right; I couldn't believe it. Seimei did want to kill me and I still didn't know why. Soon my mind started to wonder about the night, when Seimei tried to kill me. What reason was there?

"Why did Seimei want to kill me? Soubi do you know…?"

I wait for him to answer, while my body shakes like a frighten kitten. I could walk back now from what I said. I wanted to know why, but I also wanted Soubi.

"I can't tell you…"

"Why not, because Seimei order you to"?!

"Yes…"

He looks at me with an emotionless look which gave me a chill that he was serious.

_Seimei… order you to…?_

"Even after his death you're still taking his orders like there your life! Why Seimei is dead?! You kill him so why? I don't understand-"

Soubi interrupts me with is deadly tone that gave me shock.

"That's right you don't understand"!

He says in an angry tone that I never head before, while looking at me with those stone cold eyes, which frighten me.

"You never knew Seimei… You're just a child Ritsuka so don't talk about what you don't know!!!"

I step back as if those words were hits on to me.

"B-but…"

My courage froze for a moment, and during that moment I tried to think of something to hurt Soubi, something to even the score. Deep in my dark heart I knew that they were there. All I needed now was to say them, but soon I'll learn that would be my biggest mistake.

"But... SEIMEI IS DEAD!!! YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT! SO I ORDER YOU TO STOP FOLLOWING A **CORPSE **ODERS!!!"

**SLAP!!!**

Shock was all over my face, as it stung from Soubi's hit. Realizing that Soubi had hit me; my legs started to shake. The tears started up again. I glanced back at Soubi to find him angrier, but hurt at the same time.

"Soubi you hit…me"

I said with a shocked gaze.

"Ritsuka I-I… "

Suddenly Soubi falls to his knees finally broken from the hardships the Ritsuka gave him. Ritsuka didn't understand not one bit of Soubi's pain. Of how hard it would be to let go of the past and more forward, but now he was at a stands still. Tears started to go down the man's face, while kneeing on the cold ground.

"Soubi…"

I looked at Soubi to see what happened to him. All he did was knee down on the ground. Until suddenly a flow of tears streamed down his face; tears that I never seen before. I didn't know what to do.

"Soubi I'm sorry… Soubi…"

Looking at the man I loved realizing I hurt him. Forcing an unstable pain in my heart, like needle stabbing me. I reached for his face, shaking like a nerves rack I was.

"Soubi…?"

Touching his face now made me regret ever saying what I said. How could I even say anything about my brother? Even if I was a jealous fool that wanted Soubi to take me away like he always did. But now who could he? When he was is the child like state, of losing his mind. What have I done to Soubi…?

"Soubi… I'm sorry I didn't mean… Soubi…?"

Soubi then puts his hand on top of mine. Giving my hand a gentle warmth to it/

"Okay master what do you want me to do now…?"

I looked at Soubi with a scared that crossed my face. I still couldn't see his eyes for his hair was in the way and his mouth didn't take any form. Even still I could feel the emostionless in his energy. Soubi had become lifeless.

"Soubi… I-I didn't mean-"

I was to shock to finish my sentence when Soubi started to lift his head.

"What do you want me to do…? Ritsuka…"

And there I knew it. I had lost Soubi, to when I seen his expressionless face to his cold frozen eyes. I had broken Soubi…

_**To Be Continued…**_


	7. Chapter 7

**I am the one to blame**

**Where did I go wrong? I really didn't mean to, but my desires called out to my insanity, and then before I knew it. It was too late to turn back, and now all I have is to wallow in my regret.**

"What do you want me to do...? Ritsuka..."

He stared at me with his cold eyes, as I sat there in my regret. In regret to what I have done to my dear Soubi.

"Soubi.... Don't... Soubi...."

I wanted to run and get away from this craziness, but I couldn't. Not if the person I broke was Soubi, but then again I never intended this to happen.

"Soubi and Ritsuka"!?

I went frozen to the voice that came up from behind us. Trying to remember where I heard it before, then it came to me that it was Kio! I turned around in my surprise that it was him.

"K-Kio..."!

Tears started up again as I looked at Soubi's friend, while he looked at me with a smile at first, but then with concern.

"Hey what's going on here...? Soubi…"

He calls out to Soubi, but he doesn't respond. I sat there in front of Soubi in silence. Kio gets in front of Soubi and starts calling out to him, and still nothing. Kio grabs on to Soubi's shoulders to shake him back to reality.

"Soubi…? Hey buddy..."

Kio says in a quiet voice that was close enough to be a whisper.

"Master..."

Soubi says in a lifeless tone, shock came across Kio's face, as Soubi's face turns towards me.

"What do you want me to do now...? Ritsuka…?"

I couldn't stand what I did wrong. While Soubi stared at me so lifelessly. Kio looked at me with a serious concern. I turned away to run from the regret I made.

"I'm sorry..."!!!

Suddenly someone grabs my hand, as I jolted back to the cold ground.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO SOUBI"?!

Before I could realize that Kio had pinned me down with his hands holding me from getting away. I stared at Kio in shame. I started to confess me greedy desires to Soubi's friend. Soubi stared at me still emotionless and waiting for my orders

"I said something to Soubi...and...and-...I didn't know Soubi was at a brake in point. I just wanted to be with him that's all, but he-...?

I then looked at Soubi with tears flowing out of my eyes that drowned me in regret.

"Soubi..."

I whispered to him. Kio then force presser down on to my shoulders imbedding his angry in to me.

"SHUT UP RITSUKA YOUR NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO SAY-"

Suddenly Kio goes fly off me, and then he's the one pinned down, as I watched in shock.

"Soubi stop it!!!"

I cried out to him, as he pinned Kio with his cold hand choking him. I pulled on to his arm continuing to call out Soubi's name, urging him to stop.

"S-Soubi…"

_He's going to kill him!!!_

Crying out to Soubi I feared for Kio. Who was being choked by Soubi.

"PLEASE STOP IT SOUBI"!!!

Soubi didn't move to my pled, and continued to choke Kio.

"SOUBI I ORDER YOU TO STOP"!!!

Then suddenly with that Soubi let's go, leaving Kio gasping for air, and angrier at me.

"Ritsuka what have you done to him"?

"I-I just ordered him to-"

Then unexpectedly Soubi starts to carry me in to him arms. I hoped that Soubi had gone back to normal.

"Soubi"!

I cried out with a smile that soon disappeared, as I noticed his expressionless face. Realizing that he was still broken.

"You said you wanted to go home right…Ritsuka…?"

He says in that lifeless tone.

_No…! No! I never intended this! I never wanted it like this!!!_

"You better let him take you home… Looks like your getting cold…"

I looked at him then at myself I realized he was right. I was getting cold. To that I let Soubi carry me, as we started our way home. While Kio followed in our shadows.

"Ritsuka don't run away from Soubi, that's all I got to say…"

_Kio… I know that… I just… didn't want it to end up this way"_

Looking at Soubi now I didn't know what to do. Now that I got what I wanted. I just never wanted it like this. I put my hand against Soubi jacket, and held on to it tightly. I gripping it tightly regretted what I said to Soubi more then ever as he carried me.

_I'm sorry… Soubi…_

* * *

It's nice and warm, but it's not the home I wanted. I sat at the table while Kio finally got Soubi to rest. Closing the door to Soubi's room Kio then looks at me with a serious expression.

"So what did you do to Soubi? I could guess what happened… should I go on to my assumption? Or should I let you explain in detail…?"

I quiver at the thought of explaining to Kio, but I knew, I knew that what I did was wrong. And I didn't need Kio's lecture to tell me so. I didn't respond encouraging him to confess his assumption.

"I guess I'll continue… shell I"?

He takes a look at me hoping that I would talk. He guessed wrong and continued.

"Well I'm guessing you order Soubi to be with you. Or something along those lines right…"

I held my head down in shame at my disgraceful, selfish actions. Kio stared at me with beaming eyes making me feel even guiltier. I didn't respond to his frustrated looks for I knew I deserved them. He continues his speech, as if he were interrogating me.

"But Soubi didn't want to, he wanted to let you go, but in the end… You break him, causing Soubi to be order by the likes of you…"

I could hear his voice becoming more violent with range, and frustration. It didn't really bother me for I was use to it. For the tone was close enough to be almost like mothers. I knew the tone well, and feared it until the night I ran away. Kio's eyes set upon me like vultures ready to eliminate their pray.

"Your right…"

I whisper my confession for he's ears to hear, as I bow my head towards the floor.

"Why…? I can't believe you… You stupid selfish boy! Even if Soubi said yes to you. It would have been wrong! You're just a kid and his adult, but I bet you knew that. You know Soubi also has laws to follow too. Do you really believe that you two can be together? "

He was right this relationship was wrong, and it could get Soubi thrown in jail. But I just wanted to be happy, to once again taste the safety ness of someone caring for me.

"I know what your saying, and I understand. I knew that being with Soubi would have been wrong, but even still… I-"

I could feel my throat choking up, and my body poisoned with this eternal guilt. I knew I was wrong he didn't have to tell me that. But I'm just a kid. How was I suppose to over come such an over powering love and affection, that Soubi gave me?

_If only… if only…_

"If only…"

I accidentally whispered without knowing I said it, which is until Kio responded to my whisper.

"If only you and Soubi didn't meet… "

Tears started down my face, as his words pierced my heart, like an arrow hitting its target. He was right. If only I didn't meet Soubi then this would have never happened. Not that I regret ever meeting him. It just seemed like a dream when he was just there. When he would speak his words so smoothly, and softly that it would tickle my ear. It was my forever dream when I was with him, and I just fell under the presser of his love. Or at least I hoped that he loved me. I hope he does.

_Soubi…_

"Yeah you're right… If only we didn't… meet. I know that you're loathing me right now, for what I did to him.

I glance at his bedroom door with the tears of regret. Kio stands in front blocking my gaze.

"Yeah I hate you for that, but I don't entirely hate you. For a while I was grateful that you were with Soubi. When Soubi met you he became alive again…"

Kio sits down beside the chair across me and, then gives a gentle sigh.

"You know I am jealous of you. That you get Soubi, but now what are we suppose to do?"

I look at him questioning his words.

"We?"

He looks towards me with a glum face slowly turning in to a smile.

"Well Soubi does need to get fixed right? And the only one to do that is you. Well with the little help of me of course."

He smiles and that to changes and disappears.

"I know what you did wasn't all entirely your fault. It's also Soubi's for not letting go."

Looking at him with curiosity of what he was saying I started to wonder.

"What do you mean Kio? Let go of what?"

He doesn't look at me but pushes up he's glasses with his arms crossing him chest, then looks at Soubi's door.

"Seimei…"

He's tone was soft, but annoyed that left his expression looking frustrated. My heart began to ache, and the whiplash of the falling box flashes in my mind. I could see it again all over in my mind of the box falling then I'm surrounded by Seimei's photographs. I shake my head thinking that I could get rid of the image; suddenly I hear Kio's voice speak.

"You've seen it didn't you the box of Seimei?"

I nod my head just a little with a sad yet angry expression on my face.

"You know that Soubi still thinking of-"

I could feel my body was suddenly filled with this over whelming hatred and jealousy. Frustrated I cut him off from his sentence. Fearing the name he was about to say.

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME"!!!

I cried out slamming my hands on to the table closing my eyes to embrace myself, as I stood up.

"Please don't say his name… I beg you…"

I slowly fall towards the ground hating the love I have for Seimei and Soubi. Hating it because it's making me betray my heart. I loved them both, but Seimei is gone and Soubi's… Soubi's here. He hasn't disappeared, and he's most of all his still alive.

"Please don't say his name… I know I'm just denying it, but I don't want to hear it. Please don't…"

I held my hands on to the table pressing my fingers against the edges, while I bend my knees to stop myself from falling to the floor. The liquid dripped from my swollen eyes, erasing my humanity away, as I tried to ignore this reality. I could feel Kio's eyes looking at me with sympathy that I didn't want, but yet did. Not from him, but from Soubi. Ironic that I want sympathy from someone that can't even help his self.

"Ritsuka…"

I could hear that tone. That tone Soubi use to give me in Kio's voice. The same gentle voice that would be worried about me. It pained me to hear it from someone else, because it wasn't him, it wasn't from Soubi. I knew now that I need his words more then anyone right now. I can't believe I took those words for granted, and always tried to push him away. And now I want him more then anyone.

"Here… You have to face the facts Ritsuka… You can't always be running away from what you don't like."

Suddenly there is was once again the box that I wanted to avoid. I wanted to hide from the evidence of Soubi's love for my dead older brother. And here it was right in front of me to face. I stared at it trying to not let my madness take over me. Trying so hard to not to run away like I always did.

"Seimei…"

It was like looking at a forbidden secret that had a desire to get out, and engulf who ever knew. No not just anyone but only me, and me alone. I hate this box and the memories in it. I wanted to get rid of it, to wash it away along with my hate. Then I began to wonder why…

_Why Seimei… Why did you want me to meet Soubi in the first place? What was your reason in all of this?_

I give a sigh trying to work the madness in my head. Figuring this out wasn't so easy on my own. And now Soubi was… Soubi was…

"Kio… Why do you do this? What are you trying to prove?"

I questioned him as I pick a picture from the box of Seimei.

"Why, because I can't help but wanting to help Soubi…"

He goes and sits on the chair at the table. I remain on the floor with the picture in my shaking hands.

"Sigh… You know that every since I found out about Seimei, when he was alive. I wanted to save Soubi from his grasp. Seimei had some sort of twisted way of putting things, and I didn't understand his intentions towards Soubi or anyone for that matter."

He pauses and takes a breath.

"I too was jealous then as I am now, but it can't be helped can it… That Soubi loves you and not me…"

_Jealousy… I guess I know what you mean Kio…_

"But hey I'll get over it I guess. So what I'm trying to say is that... I want you to save Soubi, because I could never be able to do it. He never wanted me to save him. He wanted the one he loved to save him. You're the only one who fits that category… Ritsuka."

I looked towards him to deny what he was saying, but as soon as I turn my head. He was smiling a sad expression that made me change my mind. I continued to look upon his face that made him look like he was about to cry.

"You're the only one left… Who can save him Ritsuka…"

I turned away to look at the box once again, and again as I gaze upon it, it gave me pain. The pain of Soubi hiding it from me, the pain of Soubi lying to me this never ending pain.

"Heh… You want me to save him after I broke him…"

Kio then gives a laugh and glances at me.

"Your wrong about that he was already broken before meeting you. You just gave him the little nudge to making him fall off the edge."

I remained still and silent hearing Kio's words. Trying to understand what he was saying to me, but Kio didn't say anything after that. Just leaving us in silence.

"Kio… Why are you telling me this? I hear but I don't understand what you mean?"

Breaking the silence I picked up the box, and placed it on the table.

"Never mind. It's getting late. I'll tell you later. You and I should get to bed… I'll take the couch and you-"

He glances at Soubi's door. I take the hint and walked towards the bedroom. I place my hand on the doorknob and took a pause.

"I will save Soubi… Kio…"

I could feel his smile behind me, as I entered the room. I closed the door behind me placing my back on it. Trying to hold my ground and blinked a couple of times.

_If I'm the only one…_

I walked towards the bed were Soubi lay sleeping. I then place myself under the covers, and looked at Soubi.

…_that can save him I will…because I can not forgive myself and that's my punishment. _

I whisper a few words in to Soubi's ear, and then close my hurting eyes to fall asleep. The bed was warm and soft. I could feel Soubi's body against mine, and once again I felt safe.

_**I will save him. I won't run away anymore. Even if I don't understand what's going on, or what happened before I came in to his life. I'll save him this person I love. I don't know how, but in my way I'll save the one I love from the darkness.**_

It was a quite morning,and everyone remained asleep all except me. I had everything I need. Which meant the box of Seimei and a lighter. I knew what I was going to do and I was ready for it. I walked towards the door trying not to make a peep. Suddenly I hear a moan from behind me.

_That must be Kio…_

I took a glance to see him still fast asleep. I let out a sigh of relief, and continued my way towards the door. Opening the door I letting myself out I looked back before closing it. The place was quite as it was when I awoke this morning, and everyone was asleep. I let out a whisper that was meaningless, because only I could hear. But I whispered it anyway.

_Good-bye… Soubi…_

And with that whisper I left. Leaving nothing for Soubi to hold on to, to call "Master".

_**To Be Continued…**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Break away**

**I never knew or understood what it met to hurt someone, because I never really hurt anyone before. I knew what it felt to be hurt by someone, and that hurt I'll never forget. Because that person is who I loved so much, before they left me to die alone. So how can I forget this pain they left behind? When all I could do is remember them? I'll always remember their words, and their presences that they gave me, for the reason to live.**

The morning had come and gone I had slept all day, and now night was approaching. I woke up there was no one around, but the dead silence. I wanted to get up, but instead I lay there hoping just a little someone would come, and check on me. Maybe even Ritsuka. That's when I remembered what happened last night. I slowly remembered what happened, and placed the memories of what occurred in to my head. Sitting up I hold my hand to my head wishing it wasn't true. Wishing what I did, didn't happen. I Regretted.

"Ritsuka are you out there?"

I lift my head, and called out there was no answers. I dared to call out again, but I only got the same reply. I started to feel this sense of loneliness beginning to build up inside of me. I gripped my hand, and got up to open the door to my room. I slowly opened it while the images of last night flash in my mind, like a broken recording.

"Ritsuka…?"

My voiced echoed in to the darkness, and that's when I realized that I was alone. I could feel the weakness of my body falling. I started to tremble and hold myself. I stood there and remembered what Ritsuka said. '_I love you Soubi', _'_PLEASE STOP IT SOUBI'!, _'_SOUBI I ORDER YOU TO STOP!' _I could hear his voice so clearly in my head that I wanted to crumble.

"Ritsuka you…"

'_I-I can finally say it Soubi… I can say I love you…'_

"You said you… loved me…"

To my realization to reality I thought I could be happy with this. I thought if Ritsuka can accept my love that I would be happy with just that. But I didn't feel like any relief from his words. Could this mean that I was still in love with Seimei? Was Seimei my one and only '_master'_? I could feel the uncertainty in my heart, and this made me feel the utter loneliness again. Suddenly there are steps entering the room through the entrance of the front door. I glanced over thinking that it might be Ritsuka; no I was more like I was hoping that it was. But to that's when I realized it was only Kio. Kio looked at me with a smile greeting me with a simple "hello, how are you doing". I didn't want to hear Kio's voice, but Ritsuka's. I could start feeling the lusting desire to hear him, to listen to his commands. I dared to ask Kio the question of where Ritsuka was. But as I watched him he looked at if afraid to say anything to me. And that he knows something I didn't.

"What's wrong Kio?"

I asked in a gentle normal tone, that wasn't as lifeless as last night. He shutters and gives me another smile looking a little afraid.

"Nothing is wrong Soubi, everything is just fine…"

I could hear the lie in his voice, and it made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't like how the atmosphere was, and neither did I like how Kio was acting towards me.

"Kio… Where's Ritsuka?"

I asked the question that I should have asked, but I wanted to know. I needed to know why he wasn't here. Suddenly the pain inside my chest started to grow, and so did my desires for my _Master_ Ritsuka.

"Soubi… Um I don't know how to tell you this, but-"

He pauses with a little fear of telling me. And in that instant I knew what had happened I didn't need Kio to tell me anything. I start stepping away from him while shaking my head.

"No- This can't be happening… Now I have no one again…"

I could hear my voice choking up while feeling Kio's eyes on me.

"Soubi don't say things like that… You know maybe he just needed to clear his head? It's only been two day so maybe he went home. So he might come back…"

I could hear that Kio was making up lie to comfort me, and to make this situation hopeful. Suddenly I realized he said that it's been two days. I looked at him with a serious expression.

"What do you mean two days? Wasn't last night the night I-"

Suddenly in that moment I remembered what I didn't to Kio. I remembered pinning him down and hurting… him. I glanced at him, and looked away.

"I can't believe I lost it… What's wrong with me?"

I whispered to myself trying to not lose myself again, and trying to hold on to reality. I thought to myself that this couldn't be happening to me. And I hoped that this was all just a nightmare. One messed up nightmare. I backed away from Kio afraid to hurt him afraid to do anything that might cause me to lose it. I bump against the wall stopping me from walking back any further. I looked up at Kio who looked worried, and seemed to be afraid. Not for himself, but for me.

"I'm sorry Kio… I didn't mean to do what I did last… two days ago. I'm sorry"

I looked at him with a sad expression on my face showing him that I was truly sorry. Kio didn't look mad or anything, but just a look of pity, and sadness. I curled my fingers in to a fist, and slammed my fist on to the side of the wall. Breaking the place I hit. I decide to run from my place, from this place. I walked passed Kio, and to the front of the door. I could hear Kio calling my name, but I didn't stop. I quickly put on my shoes, and was about to open the front door. That is until Kio ran in front of me to stop me from leaving.

"Soubi you can't just leave! You can't always keep running away from your fears!"

I looked at Kio who was serious, but I didn't want to hear him. Not when I was like this. I didn't even want to be any where close to him, not now. I tried to push him out of my way, but his grip on the door was too tight.

"Let me through KIO!"

"No I won't move! You know I'm right so just listen to **me**, for once in your life listen!"

Once he said that I didn't want to stay here. I just wanted to leave this place, and be far away from here. And I also wanted to see Ritsuka. Suddenly in that moment, as I struggled to get by, the image of a memory crosses my mind. It's was the image of Seimei smiling at me.

_Seimei…?_

I wanted to break down now and then, but not here. Not here with out Ritsuka. I wanted to see him, but also wanted to see Seimei. But I felt too weak to even move Kio out of the way.

"Kio… Move"!

"No! Soubi you can't keep doing this! This is the reason why Aoyagi wasn't good for you. Neither of them are, you can't even-"

In that instant I got up set, that he would even talk about Ritsuka, or even Seimei for the matter, like that. With out even thinking I slammed Kio against the wall, lifting him off the floor. I could feel his warm neck against my arm that was slowly choking him.

"S-Soubi… Stop it… Your losing control-"

He held his hands on to my arm trying to pull away, but once I heard his voice I let go instantly. I backed away in to the opened door shocked at what I just did.

"Soubi it's okay. I'm alright…"

I didn't say anything, and was just about to take that chance and leave, but once I turned to my exit. Kio embraces me holding me from behind stopping me from leaving. I could hear his heart beating fast against my back, and I could also feel how warm his body was. And for a second I thought that this was nice, this warm embrace.

"Soubi I'm alright… I'm alright okay"

I still refuse to stay, and tried to push him away. I didn't say anything, but remained silent. I couldn't say anything, not when what I could say might hurt my friend again. Not physically, but surely mentally. Suddenly I lose my footing, and fell to the floor with Kio still holding tightly on to me. I decided to give up, and just sit against the opened door. The moon light shined in on me, while the room remained dark blue.

"Soubi… Everything is going to be alright. Okay… Just stop running away… Please…"

As I listen to him I couldn't believe that someone could care so much about me. That there was a little bit more to life, then just being alone. I could feel a warm sensation going down my face leaving me feeling a little bit nostalgic. Kio looks at me feeling a little sorry for me even pity, but it didn't matter. Because he really care for me, and that much I understood about his compassion.

* * *

"I'm so glad you came back Ritsuka…"

I looked at mother who had a smile on her face, but I somehow knew it wasn't real. I felt safe for now that it's been two day since I came back. Mother hasn't hit me since then. She's just been normal, whatever that means. But at least I could feel a little security for now. I tried to watch what I ate, and what I did or said. Just to make this atmosphere stay the same. We sat at the table and ate supper, but mother made so little that it was hard to choice what was _right _to eat, and what was… _poisoned. _I had to make it so that she wouldn't know that I was looking out for the bad stuff, but I also had to make it so that I ate as much as I can. I picked up the bowl of rice, and place some in to my mouth to test it.

_Okay the rice is alright so that's safe to eat._

Mother looked at me and smiled. I felt like there was something wrong, and that her smile was somehow twisted. I started to feel a little scared that I was reaching my point of being safe. I choked down the rice to make this real. I didn't want her to notice that I was trembling. I placed my plate on the table, and was about to ask if I could leave until she spoke.

"Why don't you have some of the pickles?"

"Um- Mother I'm…"

I gulped, and thought about the right things to say. But in that instant as my eyes shifted for the right words to say, she slams her hands on to the table. I shuttered and moved back from the table realizing, that I was back in to reality, and that this dream had faded away. She stood up from her seat and stood there, with nothing but silence. I gulped and watched what she might throw at me. But to my surprised she looked at me with a smile.

"Ritsuka, why don't you go to your room to get some rest…? I bet you're tired, and can't eat another bite. I'll just clean up the supper dishes okay…"

She smiles gently, as I wondered what she might be thinking. Then I thought that maybe mother was tiring to be a mother. I decide to take her request, and agree about what she said and went up stairs. I started my way to my bedroom to figure out what could be going on in my mother's head. As I walked away I glanced at mother who was still smiling gentle towards me.

_Mother… Could it be that you changed while I was gone?_

A smile crosses my face leaving me feeling, as if it were safe to feel like this, this little bit of happiness. I went upstairs to my room. Thinking that maybe having coming back was a good thing, and that mother only needs to clear her mind. I felt happy thinking like this, and smile a little bit more. Suddenly Soubi's smile pops in to my head. I blushed to the fact that I suddenly thought of him. Thinking about Soubi so suddenly made me wonder if he was doing fine without me around.

_I wonder what you're doing now… Soubi…_

Once I got to my bedroom I jumped on to the bed, and felt the comfort it gave me. I placed my head against the pillow, and smiled thinking that everything was fine. A few minutes passed by, and I was fast a sleep. Suddenly as I was sleep I could hear a knock at my bedroom door.

"Ritsuka I brought you some tea…"

_Mother…?_

I thought to myself while getting up from the bed. I walked towards the door to open it, and letting the person on the other side in. I turned the door knob, and then let her in to the room. I thought that this was kind of weird, but comforting and nice. I opened the door and was surprised to find her smile at me with a tray of tea.

"Here you go Ritsuka… I hope you like it…"

She lets her self in and then goes, and places that tray on top of my desk. She then looks towards me with a smile, as if that's the only thing she could do. Her smile disappears, and then she looks worried.

"Ritsuka what's wrong are you not feeling well…"

She walks towards me as I backed away automatically, as if it were instinct. Her hand goes towards my face I twitch, and step back again. I was surprise again, and all she does is feel my forehead. Her hand felt nice against my head, and her action led me to feel a sense of peace. She smiles again, and then her hand is gone from my forehead. I become a little sad and frowned a bit.

"You don't have a fever or anything. Oh! Did I wake you up?"

My eyes widen that she was worried about me at all. I smiled, and shook my head no. She smiles to my lie, while I stood there feeling happy, that mother didn't hate me anymore.

_Mother you really have changed…_

Suddenly she embraces me with a warm hug, and then whispers something in to my ear.

"I'm glad your home… my son"

I couldn't believe this was happening. It was like a dream come true. She embraces me as her son, and didn't hit me at all since I got back. I closed my eyes, and hugged her in return. I enjoyed the comfort of a mother's embrace.

_Mother…_

I thought of this moment and hoped it wouldn't ever end. For the longest time I have wanted this warm embrace of a mother's love, from my own mother. But as usual I had to rune the moment by remembering the horrible memories. I hugged her tightly trying not to remember the times she'd hurt me, and in that moment I wanted to cry. The tears started to steamed down my face, as I held on to my mother tightly.

"Ritsuka what's wrong?"

I stayed silent and just cried at how happy I was, at how this was my reality. Her voice was so gentle and motherly. I couldn't stop crying, and couldn't believe this was happening to me. I continued to hold on to her afraid that this reality would fade away, and that's what I feared the most right now.

"Aw Now, now… There, there… Everything is going to be alright…"

Suddenly as if tarring away from a dream, mother pushes me away from her letting me fall to the floor. I blinked a couple times trying to grasp what just happened. I looked up at mother confused, and then suddenly there's an impacted rushing against the side of my head.

_Blood…? What did mother hit me with?_

I looked up at her. She glares at me, and then turns away towards the door.

"Did you think you wouldn't be punished after what you did? Such an odd child… T-this will be your punishment…"

I could hear her voice chocking up, as if about to cry. My tears continued down my face, as she slams the door. I couldn't believe that my dream just shattered so fast, and in a blink of an eye it was gone. I could feel the despair raising my inside of me. As if the darkness was the flames catching fire to my heart. The loneliness crept as well, and my cries echoed through out my torn broken heart. And once again I wanted to disappear, and run far away from my twisted reality. In that instant I had forgot myself and was opened to the deepest darkness that lay dormant inside my soul.

_**Ritsuka… It's alright? I could save you from your insanity…**_

"Huh who said that?"

I looked around the room to find myself alone. I blinked a couple of times to make the tears fade away. As I searched the room I couldn't see anyone but me.

_Maybe it was my imagination… maybe I'm just going crazy…_

_**I'm nothing of a sort… because I am you.**_

I could hear a voice coming from inside of head, and it sound like me! I stood up and backed way shaking my head no to what was happening. I didn't want to believe I was going crazy, but at the same time I just wanted so badly to just disappear.

_**Now, now don't lose your self just yet… I have a deal for you… And I promise that all your pain will seem like a dream, but you got to do something for me first…**_

_A deal…?_

_**All I need you to do is… wish you were gone. **_

"But I don't-"

I thought that's what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I didn't want to disappear, but my heart told me to much of the pain I felt inside. I truly wanted to fade away, and wished that this never had happened. I wanted mother's love; I wanted Seimei back, and most of all I wanted Soubi to be with me.

"Ritsuka"

I could hear mother calling out my name, and I knew that what was going to happen to me wasn't going to be good. Not now that mother was back to normal. I sat down against the door to block her from coming in. I could hear the foot steps, as I ached with the pain of fear. And started to wish I would just disappear. Suddenly there's banging on the door, and mother pleading me to come out. I cried for mother to stop, but it just made everything worse. I could feel a stinging pain from my wound that just made things more wrong. And so I wished for my existence to be gone.

_I wish I could just disappear, I wish I was gone!_

_**Your wish is my command…**_

Said the voice that was me, but for a moment I remembered Soubi's smile. And that let me to regret ever saying what I did. I wanted to take it back to and just to him, but it was too late I was already gone. Suddenly I was forced in to darkness to see my other self for a moment yelling out "_never mind"_. But I was completely ignored, as my other self waved and mouthed the words with a grin.

_**Good-bye…**_

_Soubi…_

I called out knowing that no one could hear me but myself. I could see Soubi's smiling face, as that too faded. That was the last image I seen before falling in to my own darkness, and in to the world of dreams...

"_**This feels nice… To have a body to control"**_

The little boy smiles while standing up to let the crazy woman in the room. He turns around to let her in even though she sounded and acted crazy. But this didn't phase the boy one bit, or put fear in to him. It seemed that he enjoyed the torment that the women let out. He lets her in with a smile, and says to her, as she stood there a little bit shocked at what he said.

"_**Mother… I'm home…"**_

_**To Be Continued…**_


	9. Chapter 9

**A gentle deception**

**I knew the kindness of individuals that entered my life. But it never lasted long, because they would always some how leave. It just can't be helped, and that somehow twisted my reality, and turned me in to someone who I never thought I would become. I fear no one else, because I only fear myself. If only I could be saved…**

"Ritsuka…? Is that really you?"

_**Oh, what a simple minded woman you are. You really thought your 'real' son wasn't really your 'Ritsuka'. No wonder… you drove 'Ritsuka' to think that he was someone else. I think this will be fun… Toying with you I mean…**_

The boy looks at the woman with a smile that would easily trick anyone, who never really knew the real _'Ritsuka'_. He slowly embraces the woman that had tears streaming down her face thinking that her '_real'_ son has come back. When in reality she's the one that drove him away.

"_**Mother, oh how I have missed you… but please don't cry. Everything is going to be alright…"**_

He smirks to his remark while he starts to place his plan into play. He gently pulls the woman way telling her that he was going to go to bed. But it was all a lie for his true actions where to go somewhere to see a certain someone, someone that goes by the name Soubi. She nods confused about what she suppose to do. He closes the door deceiving the woman that he was going to bed. Closing the door he leans in to her walk away, and as he expected she left without questioning him.

_**Easy as expected…**_

He thought to himself, while he's smiling. He then turns to walk towards the window, suddenly being stopped by a small filled up box. He glances at it, and remembers Ritsuka's intentions for this particular small box. He bends down and looks inside knowing what was in it already, but did so anyway. He looked at the objects that remain inside the small contended box. He then picks up a picture of Seimei who was smiling.

_**Humph! I knew that he could do what he set out to do… Now I'm left with the dirty work. Well might as well since I'm on my way out.**_

The little cat boy smiles at the small box, as he picks it up to leave with it. He slowly opens the screen door letting not a sound be heard when opening it, and does the same when closing it. And then into the night he went to the one that Ritsuka loved the most right now, which is Soubi.

_**In time I'll be free before Ritsuka realizes the door to his freedom. But for now I'll let him dream a wonderful dream, before he is truly gone…**_

* * *

"Hey Soubi are you still awake?"

I could hear Kio's voice questioning me, but I didn't answer. And I continued to pretend that I was a sleep. Once I heard the door close, and thinking that he was gone. I got up out of bed, and took my shoes from under the bed. I was just about to exit out through the window, until I was stopped by the sound of Kio's voice.

"No matter how much I try to stop you. You won't listen to me will you?"

I could feel the hurt in his voice, and decided that it was best to not look at him. I looked out the window, and was about to glance at him, but stopped myself. I didn't want to see the look on his face, all that mattered to me was going to see Ritsuka.

"Ha, no matter how much I try it won't be good enough will it. Soubi…?"

He questions me again, and once again I give no answer. We remained in silence, as the moon started to cloud over leaving the world dark. There's nothing but the silence as the moon's light returns. I decided to give Kio some kind of answer, but before I could even finish he stops me.

"Kio I-"

"It's alright Soubi… Go do what your heart is telling you… I'll be waiting here when you get back…"

I could feel his smile on me, but I knew that it was all a lie. I could hear that he was crying when he told me to go. I smile and thank Kio for his understanding, but before I was out the window Kio yells someone at me.

"You better be safe… Soubi"!

Touching the ground I looked back at the window with a smile. Whispering the words Kio wouldn't ever hear, even though they were for him.

"Thank-you… My friend…"

I turned to run, and had this sudden burst of energy. I was happy, and excited that I was going to be able to see Ritsuka. I could see that everything was passing by me, turning them in to rays of colors. I knew where Ritsuka's place was, but I wanted to see some other place first, before I went to his house to see him. I raced to the park where I lost control. I wanted to confirm something that I was faced that night. I wanted to let go of my dark self, and hope to become stronger. I started to slow down once I started to get closer to the park. As I got closer, I noticed that someone was that the park. They were standing by a small box with a lit match in their hand. It looked like they were about to burn the box, but couldn't. I could see that their hand was shaking while, hold on to the match. I walked a little closer, and noticed it was Ritsuka! I called out his name and raced to him with a smile.

"Ritsuka"!

In that instant Ritsuka drops the match setting the box on fire. He turns towards me a little shocked to have me in his presences. He then smiles, as if he did something worth praising.

"Ritsuka what are you doing here?"

I questioned him once I got close enough to touch him. I gasped to catch my breath and glanced at the now burning box. Suddenly I notice a small picture inside the burning box, it's was Seimei! I leaned in to grab it with a look of sadness, and longing.

"Ritsuka is this box that had Seimei's things in it?"

I dared to ask him, as I quickly looked at him with a desperate need to know why he would do something like this. That's when it occurred to me that he was jealous of Seimei. I kneel there in front of the burning box, as I looked at little cat eared Ritsuka. All I get from him was an innocent smile and then he suddenly gives me a tight hug.

"_**Soubi… Soubi…"**_

The way he said my name was comforting, but at the same time it was like how Seimei would call out my name. It was like Ritsuka was completely different, but some how just like Seimei. I didn't know what to do in a situation like this, but just embrace the little boy. I took one last look at the burning box that was once filled with memories, but now all that remains is burnt black ash. I couldn't now as I hold Ritsuka in my arms. Express how sad I was to see the memories of Seimei's go up in flames. Not now, not now that I hold someone alive in my arms, who loved me like no other did. So I had to do what I should have a long time ago, when Ritsuka came in to my life. It was finally time to let Seimei go, and I to move on.

_Good-bye Seimei…_

I looked away from the box, as I held on tighter to Ritsuka. I suddenly felt relief, and that's when Ritsuka whispered something gentle, and sincere in my ear.

"_**Oh, how I missed you… My Soubi…"**_

_**To Be Continued…**_


	10. Chapter 10

**A wonderful dream**

_**I never knew what I wanted in life. I never knew the reason why bonds were so important. I never knew, and this is what made me naïve. Once I had a bond stronger then anything, but I didn't know I had it. Not until it was taken away from me. It happened so suddenly, and so quickly. I didn't even have a chance to grasp it, because it was taken from me. I couldn't forgive the person who took my precious bond, but that person is who I also adored. Before I knew that my dream had ended, someone was taking my place. I got scared, and decided to save myself so I could be with the person I loved…**_

"Oh mother… Thank-you so much…"

I looked at the little gift mother gave me, and then smiled. Suddenly I could hear a familiar voice that I adored the most. I looked over with a smile as he carried a cake towards me.

"Seimei"!

Suddenly a delightful song surrounded the kitchen. The song to celebrate my birthday, and I couldn't believe what a wonderful day it was. I looked around me seeing my loving mother, father, and my beloved brother Seimei around me.

"Why don't you make a wish Ritsuka?"

I smile and thought to myself for a second.

_There's nothing in the world I could ever wish for. Not when I had everything I ever wanted._

I smile and blow out my candles. I felt so happy and safe, but there was this feeling inside that something wasn't right. I could feel the feeling slowing growing inside of me like a disease. But want could it be I wondered what would make me feel, like something wasn't right? I continued to ignore the feeling I was getting and enjoyed the company I had. What else could I ask for, but the happiness I felt now having mom, dad, and Seimei here with me. Suddenly a thought came to my mind whispering a name to me gently.

_Soubi…_

"Huh? S-Soubi…"

Suddenly as once I said the name my heart skipped a beat, and I could feel warmth from it. I gently touched my lips realizing I said a name I never knew or so I thought.

"What was that Ritsuka I couldn't hear what you said…?"

I looked up from my seat to find Seimei looking down at me. I smiled and told him it was nothing. It was nothing right? Then unexpectedly I felt this little bit loneliness, and a wanting desire to see someone, but I didn't know who.

_Who was it that I wanted to see?_

I wondered to myself to have my thoughts disappear within a whisper.

"Ritsuka happy birthday…"

I felt a tickle near my cat ear, and glance to see who it was even though I knew who it was. I smiled, and then jumped to embrace the brother I loved. Suddenly my loneliness disappeared, and I felt the uncontrollable happiness again. There was nothing I could ever wish for in the world, as I thought hoping that this feeling would last forever.

_**~Meanwhile~**_

"Um Ritsuka… Are you sure about this?"

He whispers in to the little cat boy's ear, feeling unsure about what they were going to do. Soubi glances down at the little cat eared boy, while the little boy smiles softly.

"_**Yes Soubi there is nothing in the world that I could possible want… I'd rather it be you then anyone else."**_

The little cat eared boy lends up to kiss Soubi surprisingly on the lips. Soubi was somewhat confused, and at the same time a little bit happy. But for some reason he couldn't get the feeling that this person that seemed like Ritsuka, wasn't Ritsuka at all. Soubi started getting second thoughts about Ritsuka's request for getting rid of his car ears.

"Maybe we shouldn't Ritsuka"

Soubi gets up from on top of him, and sit beside him on the bed. Soubi doesn't make eye contact with the little cat eared boy how wondered to himself.

"_**Why not it's because I still seemed young? Is it? And here I thought you loved me…"**_

Soubi turns to deny to the little boy that he was wrong.

"Ritsuka I do love you, but you don't seem like yourself tonight. Plus don't you think you're rushing a little in to this a little. I know if your brother was-"

And as Soubi was about to mention Seimei's he stops himself, and looks away from the boy. The little boy sits up and goes to lean on Soubi's back.

"_**It's alright Soubi you can talk about him. I won't get mad, because-"**_

The little boy then steps out of the bed, and steps in front of Soubi that seemed to be confused. Soubi stares in to those eyes that seemed to be familiar, but for some reason he somehow knew that they weren't Ritsuka's eyes he was looking at but Seimei.

"Ritsuka I know you're his brother, but you are starting to look like… him"

The sensation feeling Soubi got as he stared in to the eyes of someone he loved. He soon realizing the words he was staying was totally crazy, because for a moment he thought that he was talking to Seimei. As if he had forgotten that he had died, and that he was standing right there in front of him.

"Soubi…"

The little boy leans down to whisper in his ear.

"**I'll forgive you for **_**betraying me**_**, if only **_**I'll forget Ritsuka."**_

Confusion and fear echoed inside Soubi's heart. He pulls about trying to figure out why he was staying this. But fear because that maybe Ritsuka was going to leave. A question crosses Soubi's mind as the little cat eared boy smiled gently.

"Why would you want me to forget about you…? Ritsuka"

"**I'm sorry Soubi I know you're probably confused, but once I explain. Then maybe you'll be more obedient. Oh how much you let your guard down, and here I thought you were my **_**perfect**_** fighter." **

"Why are you talking to me like that? It's as if you completely changed. It's as if you're-"

Soubi feared the name he wanted to say. The name he loved as much as the person himself. But he could bring himself to compare the two, because that would mean he was still in love with Seimei.

"_**Yes, Soubi say my name because that name belongs to me, as much as you do…"**_

In that moment Soubi then said the name that he never would say in front of Ritsuka. But for some reason he couldn't help himself, as if the little boy's words grasped him. Soubi whispered the name that would control him once again.

"Seimei…?"

A delightful smile crosses the little boy's face as his embraces Soubi rapping his arms around his neck.

"**You remembered me! Soubi now we could be together. I know what I did in the past was wrong, but that's that and this is now."**

Soubi that still seemed a little confused pulled away from the little boy. And then he thought to himself that this couldn't be happening, and that it must be all twisted dream. He stared at the boy with confusion, and felt a little bit disturbed. Soubi grabbed on to the boy's arms and held on to them gentle ready to question the boy. The boy's smile faded away, and the look of an empty angry looked at Soubi. And this made Soubi feel uneasy.

"Ritsuka you must still be upset with me. After finding _that_ box and I'm sorry for calling you by your brother's name. I don't know what came over. I just know that you're the only one for me now. Ritsuka…?"

The little boy's cat ears drooped as the feelings of despair surrounded the little boy. The little boy wasn't lying, but because of Soubi's words the little boy knew that Soubi had fallen in love with little Ritsuka. And this depressed him the most, because he wanted Soubi to be still in love with him. The little boy walked away from the man he wanted to hate, but could dare to, because of the word love.

"**Soubi after I tried so hard to stay alive for you. I knew I should have killed… No destroyed Ritsuka when I had the chance. I love my little brother, yes, but I love you too Soubi…"**

The boy looked up at him not with the expression of sadness, but a deep look of emptiness of despair. Soubi didn't know what to make of this, but that maybe the little boy was telling the truth. And that's what brought fear to him the most, because if this person is who he says he is. Then where was Ritsuka, and had he fully disappeared from the world that is reality?

"Ritsuka…?"

Soubi goes to reach out and touch the little boy to comfort him, but to only be rejected.

"**Don't touch me. And don't you dare call me by my little brother's name, for it's not mind. I Am Seimei the one you loved, and I'm your true partner. I will Not be Forgotten!"**

"Ritsuka… I'm not going to deny who you are. Your Ritsuka, and nothings ever going to change that!"

Soubi embraces the boy he thinks that's gone insane, but oh how wrong Soubi was. And the more he denied the little boy the more he becomes engulfed with darkness that once controlled him to do the unthinkable. The little boy forcibly pushes away from Soubi, and runs out of the room. Soubi calls but he is ignored, as the little boy fades away.

"RITSUKA"!

Soubi races after him afraid to lose someone else again. He calls out his name as he exits the room. Soubi goes and turns on the lights to find the little boy in the kitchen. Soubi steps forward with fear that Ritsuka might run again.

"Ritsuka…"

He whispered gently as if to calm himself.

"**I told you I'm not Ritsuka. I'm Seimei Aoyagi… How many times do I have to repeat myself for you to understand? Is it so hard for you to accept that I have come back? Or maybe it's better off to deny something should have never been there in the first place… Soubi…"**

Soubi couldn't say anything as the little boy turned around with something in his hand. And what Soubi seen made feel the feeling of fear.

"**Don't remember what I said before you killed me. I said…"**

The little boy held a shape knife in his hands that he slowly cut through his wrist.

"**It's alright as long as I'm here Soubi… Soubi you'll never forget me…It's true that I lo-"**

Soubi stared in shock and hoped that this was just a nightmare, and hoped the maybe someone would save him. But he couldn't run away not anymore, because he had to be strong. He walked towards the little boy to grab the knife from him.

"Ritsuka stop your bleeding!"

The little boy walked back wards making the blade imbedded in to his skin.

"**Soubi… it's true that I love you."**

And with those words Soubi was stopped in his tracks, because of a memory that only Seimei could have possible have knew.

"You remembered that time? Seimei…?"

Soubi said towards the little cat eared boy. The little boy dropped the knife, and felt the tears drip down his face. The little boy then walked towards Soubi, and embraced him gently. The little boy looked up to only be embraced by the man he loved.

"Seimei… it's really you… I've missed so much"

"**I know Soubi, I know…"**

_**To Be Continued…**_


End file.
